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Welcome to the merch table, homies! Got some sweet merch for my sweet fans here. First, we have this microwave that cooks food and shit. Buttons and plug included. It’s from like 1986 though so you might want to stand about ten or so feet back while it’s running. This brand tended to put out a lot of radiations. I think they recalled it after some kids got cancer or something. $30 [or best offer]:
Also got this lamp for sale. It’s totally good at creating light and shit, for all your vision needs. Now I’m not gonna lie to you (because I would NEVER lie to you), it does not come with that lampshade. My roommate’s cat peed on it and I kept it for like three months, but after a while the smell just got too overpowering so I threw it out. Still makes light and shit though. $3 [or best offer]:
Now this grill is fucking tight! I know up to now you might be feeling my merch is a little shoddy, but this one makes up for it. I honestly don’t know a lot about grills, but my neighbor loves this bad boy. He keeps it looking spotless and he’s always saying it’s best smoke grill on the market. Just ring my bell and it’s yours. Be advised though, if you elect to partake in this purchase you will need to bring yourself and one friend to help with delivery. One of you can help me lift it over the fence (neighbor keeps it padlocked I’m afraid), and one of you will have to keep the truck running. Also, if you own a truck, that will save us a lot of time. FYI – I only got one ski mask, so if you need one – it’s B.Y.O.Ski Mask up in this bitch. $350 [non-negotiable]:
Order now and you get a free picture of my ex-girlfriend’s boobs. Or you can order a picture of the boobs for $15. Just email firstname.lastname@example.org for any orders and provide me with your address, credit card info, and social security numbers and shit.
If you want any other sweet merch just go to my official Eric Krug online store here and select any item you want to purchase. Just send me a list of what you want, and where to ship it, then mail me check for the amount on the site (plus a $40 processing and handling fee) and I’ll get that over to you directly.